Am i sane? What is sane? Is sanity a clear, focused state, calm even? I certainly don't feel sane, which to me means- doesn't have crazy thoughts (in a bad sense), oopsite of normal. I can't explain it, it's all up there, in my mind, makes sense (in a a nonsensical way) to me, but i bet no-one else would get it, not that i could ever explain.
'Sane (adjective)- Healthy in mind, not mad.'
That's ever so insightful dictionary...
I wouldn't say my mind is healthly, it's a tad fucked up. I know other people who have it much, much worse, but i still don't think mine is healthy. Most people will never know what the hell goes on up there. Got some issues, me :D Crossing my fingers it's a teenage thing. Though, i am a teenager, but i live with my family whilst being one, and they drive me insane (not literally- just the expression). A few of my claimed 'issues' are linked to them. For example, partly, my low self-esteem is because i get told i'm fat/ugly (etc etc) most days by a person i cannot help (and as much as i try not to) looking up to- my sister. Though technically, i cannot physically 'look up' to her.....
Everyone has secrets right?
Everyone lies, and lying creates secrets- even the smallest ones.
Things left out of conversations- things not said, random, spiteful thoughts.
Little (white) lies that make life easier.
For sure, isn't it easier to tell people lies, or to tell 'porkies'- keeps them happier.
The less you tell, the less vunerable you are.
“I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.”
-Javan
Sister just came downstairs, holding her calender. I had written 'DIE' in the date of July 30th(i do not remember this). She is mad at me, swore to get revenge, apparently the excuse of
'but you are gonna die, someday, why not the 30th of July... we all die'
isn't acceptable.
Cameron is abosutely scary. He was dressed up yesteday, with my hello kitty pjs on his head (like a nun) with matching pink sunglasses, and he was licking me and biting me and being freaky. He thrashed me when we played Speed. He stole my sword from it's sheath (which i handily attached to my belt hook on my jeans) and started hitting my back for ages, until it hurt, then commented on how my back seemed very hollow, it did sound hollow...
I ate a lot this weekend. Though i must stop having ice cream for breakfast. For fucks sake, need to stay on target, i have less than a week.
Less than a bloody week, basically 5 days. I shall wear an apron?! I really hope it works itself out, that's what happened to someone i know, so i am keeping faith in 'it'll work itself out'.
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”
- Sam Keen
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